The Door in the Wall

“But the man who comes back through the Door in the Wall will never be quite the same as the man who went out.” Shit. There’s no way back.

When interest is gone

In the last years, I practiced a lot dropping of “myself”. Turning the page. I dropped many dreams after investing thousands of hours and dollars. Today, I feel very good about all those things I dived into and then left to the past, without attachment. Interest was gone. The key of a healthy dreams dropping for our occidental mind, I believe, is to drop it once you have lived it 100%, once you have reached it, or almost reached it: once you got the feeling that if you wanted to, you could have reached it. After you have lived through your illusionary dream, you can drop it.

Mentira

So, I thought. This is “face reading”. This is telepathy. What an amazing psychic ability! To test my new skill, I stared at the other couple quickly. It was a simple love, shared and sane. Those two did not question much in life. Then I stared at the table of three. A tall guy was standing. Even thought he was not looking, he was aware of people around. Of me, too. And this not so young but immature guy was trying to get attention.

A much bigger plan

"Nothing happens by chance. Coincidences do not exist. Everything is part of a much bigger plan."

Were we all mediums?

Then came the man in white who had helped me breathe. He explained the importance of surrendering to the Plant. Sometimes, people have a very difficult experience with Ayahuasca because they keep fighting with it. They do not dive into the experience fully because of fears. That was me.

Minas Gerais in Kombi

So, on February 14, I had to choose between 3 “yes” options, each of them concealing coincidences. I had 3 nights left at my host’s house. Had to leave Sunday the latest. It was getting late to plan a trip to Rio or Sao Paulo. But I couldn’t make a choice. And I learned that in doubt, do nothing. Don’t move, don’t choose. Wait. Wait for Life to send an answer… Come on, Life, hurry up!!! I thought, laughing, as I was walking to the beach for my evening swim. I thought it was very strange Life didn’t answer. And those days, strange phenomenons make me laugh. Anxiety and fear have been gradually transformed into pure, joyful laughs. Maybe since Ayahuasca.

Do not skip steps

When I was 10 years old, a baby-sitter once told me: “Curiosity is a very bad flaw”. I felt really anxious for a second. But then I thought: “this is the most stupid thing I have ever heard”. Today, curiosity led me to an Ayahuasca ritual in Arraial d’Ajuda, Brazil. I could doubt it was…

My Truth

I was feeling at peace now, seated a dozen meters away, at the edge of the sacred circle, few inches from my vomit. "But I want to go to toilet", I asked, allowing myself to be childish. He pointed out the light in the forest, on the path that conducted to the house. As I looked toward the path, it seemed a huge challenge for me to get there alone.

The Vengeance Line

"Yes, it touches your Heart line, said Aquarius, still reading my palm. But just a little. And the Vengeance line is very weak."

Burning fears

I thought about fear, and how it also tried to stop me from taking the 2 best decisicions that would change my life: travelling alone to London on March 2011, and travelling alone to Brazil on December 2017.